How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
