my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How naked do you want me to be?
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