My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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