It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
