Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
