yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
