So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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