So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize