Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
