i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
People in love make me want to vomit
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
True strength comes from lack of pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
