He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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