Screwed.edu
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
