What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize