I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
