Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
