At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
