dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
