I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
