my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
