For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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