Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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