Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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