We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
