Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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