there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
