I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
