Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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