my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
