anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
