Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
