I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yo dont text me then not text me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
