uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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