i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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