nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize