there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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