just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
