Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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