State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize