When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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