the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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