my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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