I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
