This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
