why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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