So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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