four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
