Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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