I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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