Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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