I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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