come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
