I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
