.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
