Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
