I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
