A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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