READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
