I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize