Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Boobs are out for the taking
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
