dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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