i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
