Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
