Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
