So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
