What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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