Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize