Yo dont text me then not text me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
