An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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