Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
